


The Ex-Factor

by queenwakeupslayrepeat (twilight_moon09)



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bad Puns, Bisexual Barry Allen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Music, M/M, Minor Barry Allen/Iris West, Moral Ambiguity, One-Sided Relationship, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Timeline What Timeline, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 21:51:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12850248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilight_moon09/pseuds/queenwakeupslayrepeat
Summary: With soulmates came the promise of clarity, companionship, comfort, and happiness. It seemed only fair that the Universe decided Leonard Snart would get the short end of stick.





	The Ex-Factor

**Author's Note:**

> Right as I was reading my new-found obsession, shipping Barry & Len, Lauryn Hill's Ex-Factor came on. This will not be a happy story. Barry's not that great a person in this fic. And neither is Iris. Len is my new favorite boo, and my heart broke with his. This was rushed, so I apologize in advance. Honestly, writing for Len scares the shite out of me so I hope I didn't screw it up. It's hard to put that much awesome into words. He's flipping PUNNY, so there are a lot of italics.
> 
> It's my first time writing for this ship, this fandom. Grade me on a curve ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

**THE EX-FACTOR**

Len had been seventeen years old when his mark first appeared, signaling that his soulmate had been born into the world. A jagged little snowflake burned into the skin covering the left side of his rib cage, interspersed with lightning bolts so detailed if you didn’t lean in close you missed it. But he never allowed anyone to lean in that close, always keeping it hidden in the sweaters that helped cement his cool persona. Yet even when it was covered he still felt exposed, so in his youth he’d gotten similar tattoos of unique snowflake designs all over his chest, his shoulders, and his back. It made him feel easier about the fact that there was someone out in the world that had indescribable power over him that they weren’t even aware of, giving him back some semblance of control.

The night he met the Flash, Len felt a thrill inside him that he almost didn’t recognize. Finally, he’d found a challenge, his _match,_ someone to make him up his game. His new nemesis became his new obsession, and Len felt gratified for the new element that burned so bright it brought color back to what was becoming a mundane existence.

Learning his identity opened up a world of possibilities to him, Len found himself intrigued by Barry Allen. He couldn’t never really decide if he considered him a puzzle or a tool, but he found most days that Barry was both. Sometimes, he seemed _more._ An un-killable target, that moved too quick for Len to ever catch.

 

Yet, the night they made their deal…and shook hands…

 

Len should’ve known. He should've fucking _known_. He cursed himself for being so oblivious. Of course it was Barry. It had always been Barry, hadn’t it? The only person in his entire life that actually made Len _feel_ something. Be it joy, frustration, or anger…Len was awake and warm inside after so many years of being cold.

Barry surprised him when they first had skin-to-skin contact, the rush of electricity pulsing through their nerves that made skin tingle and hearts race when soulmates first commune. All Len felt was a gust of wind before he was pinned against the wall, the softest lips he’d ever known pinning his own.

The tears he cried in that kiss were the first he’d allowed to fall since his own mother’s funeral…to this day he isn’t sure if they were tears of joy or resentment of losing all autonomy. Because that’s exactly what happened.

All Barry’s encouraging words of him being a good person deep down had been easy to brush off until that moment. In that moment, he began to consider it. He began to reconsider every word Barry had ever spoken to him. Surely there had to be _something_ in Len to make him worthy of someone so good, who shined so bright.

The name he’d given him, _Scarlet_ , now had a different connotation when it crossed his mind. It was no longer spoken with sarcasm, but with reverence. Barry was the person that was meant for him, the person who made all those years waiting worth it.

 

That night, in Len’s fourth safe house, he allowed himself to take what he’d always been too afraid to want. He’d removed Barry’s suit, in awe that he’d allow someone like him to see him so vulnerable. He’d removed his own shirt, allowing Barry to see the scars left from his terrible childhood. Allowed him to run his fingers over every memory, every nightmare. Allowed Barry to hover over him in the pale moonlight, and lean in close to see his own lightning bolts etched inside the intricate snowflake that was who he was to his core. He allowed Barry to see everything, to see _him._ He allowed Barry to touch his mark, for the first time ever in his life, and the white-hot rush of _something_ flooded through his system like a drug, instantly making him addicted. And when they made love that night, he knew without a doubt that nothing would compare to the feeling of being inside Barry for as long as he lived.

It was a heady feeling, craving someone so thoroughly. He wanted to be consumed by him, he never wanted to lose the feeling of him being close. As they held each other fiercely, drifting off to sleep, Len’s chest seized with fear. It was reactionary, the foreign emotion coming from the bond they’d formed and solidified through consummation, meaning that Barry was the source. Neither of them spoke, but Len’s own fears that had been muted during their lovemaking made themselves known inside him once more. He couldn’t admit to himself what he was afraid of, but he knew when he woke up he wouldn’t be able to ignore it.

 

And he was right. Waking up alone, after experiencing something as intense as that was painful. He knew Barry felt the hurt through the bond, and Len waited, hoping he’d just blink and Barry would be standing there. But he wasn’t.

The grief he felt rocked him so violently, he emptied his stomach. Tears, so many tears, so much crying in the span of 24 hours. More than he’d cried in the last 30 years.

He wasn’t surprised, not really, he already knew what to expect. Barry was with Iris and he _knew_ that, but that didn’t stop him last night. That didn’t stop either of them and Len had hoped, he fucking _hoped_ that what happened would change that. He was wrong.

Pain had been an old friend, one he was bittersweet about, since their relationship had been so tumultuous. Grateful because it made him hard, made him _cold_ , the man he needed to be, but his gratitude didn’t make it hurt any less. And _this_ , the soul bond…it was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. He would persevere. He always did.

 

He made a valiant effort not to seek Barry out for the following week, ignoring the emotions that traveled through their connection. He convinced himself that he’d be able to live with it, it would make him _stronger_ , if this was the way that Barry wanted things. But all of his resilience came crashing down around him when he found Barry standing at the foot of his bed after jolting awake screaming from a nightmare.

He wasn’t in his costume, he wasn’t even in clothes he would wear to work. He was wearing an oversized Star Labs hoodie and his sleep pants. He stood over Len, like an angel lighting the darkness of the night.

Len didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure he wanted to say anything. He just knew he needed Barry to say _something._

But he didn’t. In a flash, Barry was on top of him, kissing him within an inch of his life. His mind argued he should fight, should _resist_ , but he allowed himself to be consumed. This time, when he entered Barry, he allowed himself to be vocal. For reasons he would never understand, he craved the eye contact and intimacy lacking from their first tryst so this time he initiated. He praised Barry, he begged Barry, begged him to scream his name, to acknowledge him in a way that mattered. And he was awarded.

“ _Len,”_ Barry moaned breathily, vibrating in a way that drove Len insane.

This time, when they climaxed, he stared Barry in the eyes. This time, the intensity made Len see a god he wasn’t even sure he believed in. But Barry brought that out of him. Barry made it so much more than sex, it was _worship._

 

And Barry was gone before Len woke up. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did, he shouldn’t _let_ it, but he couldn’t control it.

This way continued between them for weeks, Barry never giving Len what he truly needed unless they were in the throes of passion. Only then would he praise Len, kiss him all over and tell him that he _knew_ there was good in him, that Len was all he ever wanted and how badly he needed him. Yet when it was over, so was the moment between them. Barry would be gone so fast Len’s head would literally be spinning.

Barry was denying the both of them what they truly needed, and he knew it. The evidence of which Len found through their bond, something not even Barry could lie through. Which made every time he sensed Barry’s arousal when they were separated _sting_. Len knew exactly what it was, _who_ Barry was with.

Len was a smart man, even smarter that what people assumed him for. What he couldn’t fathom was _why_ Barry was doing this. It was public knowledge that Iris had loved and lost her own soulmate, Eddie. The day he’d taken his own life to kill Eobard Thawne, her own mark in the shape of a dove on her collarbone had turned white as snow. It stared Barry in the face every time he _looked_ at her, so he had to know that what they had wasn’t real, not really. Loving your soulmate doesn’t just turn off when they die, it goes on forever because that was the point. Iris would never truly love Barry, not the way he deserved. So why _do_ this?

Len’s pretty sure that the deal they’d struck between them would be the death of him. It would be so easy to just… _remove_ Iris from the equation entirely. There was no love lost between them, surely. Even though Len was certain that Barry hadn’t told anyone, he _knew_ that Iris could tell he and Barry had met. It happens when you finally connect, the bold black borders of your mark filled in with vibrant color. She must’ve seen the ice blue snowflake with tiny yellow lightning bolts that painted Barry’s ribs, she just _ignored_ it. So in Len’s book, that made her just as guilty. And Barry…

Len liked to think he knew Barry inside and out before the communion, but now he could sense Barry’s soul. Iris was the girl he’d been in love with his whole life, so now that they had a chance he refused to let it slip away. Except that really they _didn’t._ But Barry was nothing if not stubborn.

 

So Len knew his only option was to wait…wait for Barry to come to his senses, wait for Iris to grow a conscious, whichever came first. In the mean, he continued to do what he does best, within their agreed upon rules of course, and life continued on with it’s regularly scheduled programming. Len considered himself a patient man…he waited this long. He could wait a little longer. The tenuous peace they’d created continued.

Though Len prided himself on his intelligence, so he knew _eventually_ something would give. The night that Barry was attacked by Mark Mardon, Len could no longer still his hand. Barry hadn’t stopped living his life just like Len hadn’t stopped living his own, so he continued as the Flash. Fighting whichever new metahuman of the week was on the menu, and whenever Barry got banged up Len felt every part of it. Though the damage he felt wasn’t nearly as bad as Barry had to deal with, which made him thankful Barry healed fast. Len was able to tolerate it for the most part, until the Flash fought The Weather Wizard.

Barry being electrocuted was arguably the most frightening and painful feeling Len had ever felt before. When the shock finally receded from the bond he was temporary paralyzed, his muscles seized in spasms as terror gripped his heart. Len thought he was actually going to die. When he regained control of his motor functions, he was panicked. Len hadn’t felt fear like that since the night his father was so drunk, he nearly attacked his sister. He sped as fast as he could on his motorcycle to Star Labs when it was over. Just as he was ready to storm through the shitty security, Iris exited the building. The shock was apparent on her face since his sudden arrival was unexpected.

He didn’t get to speak a work to her before Barry flashed out in front of her. His suit was ripped and torn, his lip was bloody, and his eyes looked so weary. But the fury in them was unmistakable.

“What are you doing here?” His voice thundered, reminiscent of the days before everything... _happened._ When he was just The Flash and Len was just Captain Cold, world’s greatest thief.

But Len refused to back down, especially now that they had an audience. All the anger he’d been repressing bubbled dangerously close to the surface, freezing in his veins.

“YOU ALMOST _DIED,_ SCARLET.”

“THAT STILL DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHAT YOU’RE DOING HERE.”

“DID YOU REALLY THINK I’D BE _ANY-WHERE_ ELSE?” Len snarked, fed up with his attitude.

“ _LEAVE_.” Barry threatened, and _fuck_ that stung. That stung _hard._

“How did you even know?” Iris asked, finally speaking up. “Barry only got back a few minutes ago, how did you even know he was hurt?”

“Maybe because I suddenly found myself on the floor seizing so violently I thought I was going to die.”

Iris studied him, trying to find the hidden meaning behind his words. “Come on now, Ms. West. You’re a reporter. Use that big brain he loves so much and figure it out.”

Len could tell the second the truth dawned on her. “You…” She said, in shock. “It’s you?”

“Believe me, I didn’t see it coming either. But I should have.” He said, still bitter.

“Iris go back inside.” Barry ordered, but she wasn’t listening. Len saw the moment for what it was, a chance to confront the other person in Barry’s life and he wasn’t about to miss it. “I guess I have _you_ to thank, Ms. West,” Len drawled. “Everybody always says having your soulmate is like a fairytale, and this? Straight out of a Brother’s Grimm nightmare, wouldn’t you agree?”

She stepped forward. “Wouldn’t be the first time the universe got it wrong,” She said with bravado. “Barry’s soulmate being a criminal like _you_? Suddenly cosmic mistakes don’t seem so implausible.”

Len rankled at that comment, hating himself for visibly reacting. No way he was going to let _this_ bitch get under his skin. “We all have our sins, Ms. West. I’m surely going to atone for mine when I meet whatever God is out there. I’ve been a thief all my life. But every diamond and painting I’ve ever stolen wouldn’t _measure_ to stealing someone’s soulmate. There’s a special circle in _hell_ for those people. So tell me, who’s the real criminal here?” Len gave a cold smirk, and she reeled back as if he’d actually slapped her.

“I didn’t force Barry to be with me.” She yelled.

“ _No_ , but you didn’t stop him either, did you?” He yelled back. “Don’t pretend you don’t know the power you have, Ms. West, it’s beneath you. Your soulmate was ripped away from you, and there he was…good old _Barry_ waiting in the wings. Loyal to a fault. Losing the one person in the universe you were meant for is unimaginable, but watching that person be with someone else that _knows_ what it’s like? Why… _I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy_.” He said icily, and Iris actually looked scared.

“Stop arguing about me like I’m not here!” Barry yelled at the both of them, frustrated down to his bones.

“Fine with me.” Len walked back to his bike. “I’ve said what I needed to say.” He sat down on his bike and revved the engine. He looked at Barry and winked at him. “I’ll be seeing you, _Scarlet_.”

Part of Len hoped Barry would chase after him, but he knew better. He could feel Barry’s anger screaming at him through the bond. _Good_. He would need it for what he was about to do.

 

The next day, he was unsurprised when Barry broke into his house. He paced in front of Len, fuming, and Len continued to read his book, the very picture of ease. When he finally grew weary of Barry’s pacing, he closed his book.

“Something on your mind, Scarlet?”

Before he could blink Barry had him against the wall with an arm to his throat.

“I should put you in Iron Heights for what you did.” Barry spat at him.

Len refused to give up his cool persona. “You’ll have to be more specific, Scarlet.”

Barry released him and Len fell to his feet, straightening his sweater.

“Mark Mardon was found dead in his cell this morning. Cisco said his throat had been slit.” Barry yelled.

“You don’t say,” Len said glibly, picking up his beer.

“All the cameras were disabled, and the control panel to his cell was hacked. Cisco says someone got in the systems, and disabled the security to the entire building almost.”

“Sounds like Team Flash needs better security.” He snarked.

“No, you don’t get to act aloof about this, Len! A man is _dead_!”

Len stood to his full height and regarded Barry coldly. “If you’re looking for me to apologize, hell is going to freeze over first.”

“We had a _deal_ , you son of a bitch!”

“THAT DEAL BECAME MOOT THE MINUTE MARDON TOUCHED WHAT WAS _MINE_.” Len shouted back, refusing to back down. “I _KEPT_ MY PROMISE! I DIDN’T LAY A _HAND_ ON YOUR FRIENDS _OR_ YOUR FAMILY BUT MARDON WAS FAR FROM INNOCENT.”

“YOU KILLED HIM, SNART! IN COLD BLOOD!” Back to _Snart,_ are we?

“BECAUSE IT’S WHAT I _DO_ , BARRY!” The tension grew between them, mounting higher with every heave of their chests. “In case you’ve forgotten, Flash, I’m a _killer_. I’ve murdered in cold blood before, and if _anyone_ ever tries to take you away from me I _will_ do it again.”

“That’s just it, Len! I DON’T BELONG TO YOU!”

“ _DON’T_.” Len said so dangerously, it made Barry pause. He slowly approached Barry until they were toe to toe. He _knew_ Barry could sense his rage through the bond. “YOU CAN LIE TO YOURSELF ALL YOU WANT, BARRY ALLEN. BUT YOU WILL _NEVER_ LIE TO _ME_.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Barry challenged.

Len sighed, and shook his head. “We really gonna have this conversation _now,_ Scarlet?” He turned around, and flipped over his table knocking all his plans for his next heist to the floor. “FINE! YOU WANNA HAVE IT OUT, LET’S HAVE IT OUT!”

“DON’T ACT LIKE I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT’S BEEN AVOIDING THIS, LEN!” Barry shouted back.

“BUT IT’S TRUE!” Len retorted, reversing back in his face. “FROM THE _START_ YOU REFUSED TO EVEN GIVE THIS A CHANCE! YOU DIDN’T EVEN GIVE ME A _CHOICE!_ ”

“AND WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE?” Barry’s eyes were watering. “We never would’ve worked Len, and we both know it.”

Len deflated a little, feeling some of the fight leave him. “Why is that, Barry? Because of some newspaper article from the future?” Len scoffed. “Have you ever considered that byline _exists_ because you never even gave us a chance?”

Barry hung his head, the tears falling free. He was unable to look him in the eye. “Len, what do you want from me?” He said, his voice thick with emotion.

“I _want_ ,” Len’s voice cracked, and he tasted his own tears on his lips. “I wanted the _chance_ , Barry. I wanted to _try._ You never even gave me a chance to show you that we _could_ be happy. I want to make you happy Barry.”

Barry wrapped his arms around himself, and tried to control emotions building in his chest. He couldn’t look at Len while he was saying all of those things. “It could all be so simple, Barry. But you rather make it hard. Caring about you, worrying every time you put on that _fucking suit_ …allowing myself to hope and _loving_ you…it’s like a battle. It’s like I’m fighting every instinct I’ve ever had. And we _both_ end up with scars in the end.”

Len felt so ashamed, so vulnerable to be bearing his heart out like this. But he couldn’t stop. Once the proverbial dam had cracked, his emotional vomiting was unending.

“You have no idea how it feels to wait for something like this your entire life. To _crave_ something you’ve never had so badly, it consumes your every waking thought. And then to _have_ it…to realize it was _you_ all along…only to have it taken away from you. It’s torture, Barry. This force… _me_ loving _you_ is such an innate part of who I am that I didn’t even know existed and it _scares_ me Barry. Worse than anything I’ve ever faced. It comes as naturally to me as breathing does. And it’s not going away. It’s what I’m meant to do. So please, tell me…who do I have to be? Who do I need to be, what do you want from? What do I have to do to keep you because whatever it is…I’ll do it.”

Barry snorted. “Not killing would be a good start.”

“Done.”

Barry looked up at him and was shocked to see the conviction in his eyes. “You’re not serious…”

“Barry I’ve never killed because I _wanted to_ , only when I had to. I don’t have to kill ever again…unless someone threatens you. Then I won’t hesitate.”

“That won’t just erase what you’ve done in the past! What about _those_ people, Len?”

“Barry, I can’t change the past.”

“You’ve tried to kill _me_! Multiple times!”

“I _know_!” Len shouted back, then took a steadying deep breath. “There are few things I regret in this life Barry, but that will _always_ be the biggest.”

Barry stood up and turned away, unable to look at him. Len felt so ashamed. “So that’s it then? You’re punishing me?”

Barry turned around with an incredulous look on his face. “Excuse me?”

“You’re punishing me for it. Even though I had no idea what we meant to each other back then, you’re punishing me by staying with Iris.” Len stated.

“Iris has _nothing_ to do with this!” Barry argued.

“She has _everything_ to do with it, Barry! Why can’t you see it? _How_ could you be doing this, continuing to be with her when it’s killing both of us! Is this just a silly game to you? That forces you to act this way?” Len considered it, reminded yet again of Barry’s age and the difference between them.

“That’s low.” Barry shook his head.

“No, please explain it to me so I can understand it! Because from where I’m standing it doesn’t make sense! What could possibly possess you to make me scream your name and then pretend that it’s not possible for you to stay with me? Huh? That you’re _obligated_ to run back to her?”

Barry was angry. “We’re done with this conversation.” He threatened, turning to leave.

“ _Are you gonna run again, Scarlet_?” Len teased, and Barry froze at the taunt. “That’s your M.O., right? Just when things get too heavy, a little _too real_ , you use the speed force to escape all your problems. Thinking that just _maybe,_ if you run fast enough, they’ll never catch up to you.”

Len was starting to feel defeated. “I can’t turn it off, Barry. It’s not like there’s a switch that just needs to be flipped, it’s _who I am_. No one’s loved you more than me, Scarlet…and no one ever will.”

“I’ve made the impossible possible time and time again, Len. I refuse to believe that.” Barry said solemnly, before he ran away.

Len didn’t leave his house for three weeks after that.

 

He didn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and rarely did he move. He didn’t take action until the microphones he’d hidden inside Star Labs picked up Iris’ surprise announcement.

She was pregnant.

Len was livid. He was beside himself. The rage and agony he felt inside made him reckless. He realized that he _finally_ lost. It was over. Now he’d never have a chance at happiness.

The rage drove him to drink, and Len hated drinking because it made him stupid. Made him do reckless shit, which is exactly where he ended up that night.

Some abandoned warehouse by the docks, Len’s bike totaled about 50 yards away, and he was freezing the entire building with his cold gun. He knew it wouldn’t solve anything. Wouldn’t change what happened. Wasn’t safe. Wouldn’t make him feel any better but he just needed to feel _something._

He’d hit a water main. It’d exploded as he was in free for all, and he froze the water surrounding him into his own icy prison. The sheet was too thick to break through, not that he had enough coordination to achieve it, and his mind was too hazy to think of a plan to escape. So he sat on the ground. He was going to freeze to death. How poetic.

And what was the point in living? Len knew he was dramatic by nature, but everything got dialed up to 11 when you formed the bond. What exactly was his reason for existing anymore? His sister was fine on her own, smarter than she gave herself credit for, and more than capable of leading the rogues on her own. They’d all be fine, they’d _survive_ and life would go on without him. Did it really make a difference? Life didn’t stop moving for him, even when it _should_ have.

Barry. Barry was going to be a dad. Iris was pregnant. Maybe if Len was out of the way, they wouldn’t have anything holding them back anymore. Maybe they’d get married one day, make that by line on Thawne’s newspaper from the future a reality.

Len felt lost. He’d never let him fall this deep into despair, not ever. But soulmates _change_ things. They’re supposed to, right? They’re supposed to _anchor_ you, to tie you to this world in a way you never thought possible. He chuckled bitterly. _There are no strings on me._

He hated getting like this, because it’s the only time his mind only wanted to think about the beginning. Back when he was a scared child, hiding from his abusive father. Back when the world was terrible and there was nothing he could do to control it, to fight back. He was right back where he started. What a fucking joke.

_What are you afraid of, Snart?_

A voice echoed in his head, one that sounded too much like his drunk father. He wasn’t a coward. He _wasn’t_. Not anymore, not for a long time. If his life was going to be shit, _fine_ , but if it was ending it was going to end on his terms.

As he brought the muzzle of the cold gun to his face, the proximity froze the tears on his cheeks. That stung. He sobbed. It would be over soon.

Just as he was about to pull the trigger and give himself the breeze of a lifetime, the sheet of ice was shattered and the gun was snatched away. He was still too inebriated to comprehend what was happening, but when he was able to get his bearings he found himself in his bedroom. He promptly hunched over to throw up.

“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!??!?” Barry yelled, making Len’s head throb.

“Wassit?” He asked, wiping his mouth.

“What the hell were you trying to do, huh?” Barry asked, shaking his shoulders.

Len shrugged him off. “Don’t pretend like you care.” The room was spinning. He felt along the wall till he made it to his couch, plopping down on it noisily.

“So that’s it, huh? Things don’t go your way, so you take the easy way out? That’s your plan?” Barry judged.

“What are you even doing here, Scarlet?” He asked, sipping a water bottle that magically appeared and gripping his head. “You wanted me gone, and that’s _exactly_ what I was trying to do.”

Barry shook his head in protest. “Not like that, and you know it.”

“What difference does it make?” Len argued. “At this point, it’s really just semantics. With me out the picture, you get everything you ever wanted. You get to start a family, get married…you and Iris would even have matching marks. Something white for the wedding day.”

“It’s something _blue_ ,” Barry corrected. “And how did you know about Iris?”

Len just gave him a look like he was being dense. Barry rolled his eyes. “I wanted for both of us to be happy, Len. For both of us to start our own families and live happily ever after. _Yes,_ Iris is pregnant, but…the baby isn’t mine it’s Eddie’s. For me and her, it’s a new adventure. I wanted you to find your own adventure, Len. I was giving you the choice.”

“That’s not what I would’ve chosen, and you know it.” Len bit out.

Barry stared at him, and it made Len uncomfortable like Barry was able to see his _soul._ “You’d really do that? Leave this world just because you thought it would make me happy? You’d leave me?”

Len closed his eyes. “It seemed merciful compared to this. Living with a truth that no one else can see. The problem with good and evil, Barry— _right_ and _wrong_ —is that they’re not black and white. People just need to _believe_ they are…the heroes are good, righteous, and the criminals are bad and evil. But what they fail to understand is the defining element: _conviction_. Heroes _believe_ they’re on the good side, the _right_ side, and that conviction makes them blind. People _have_ to believe in that, and place them high up on a pedestal because if it wasn’t true…there would be nothing left to believe in. But it only cultivates false security. It only serves to leaves us vulnerable to the very people we trusted to always do the right thing. The _truth_ is, Barry…our heroes are the ones who hurt us the _most_.”

Len didn’t see him coming, but he _felt_ Barry’s lips on his own. And just like that, he felt _good_ again. All the other emotions were still raging inside him like a violent storm, but this kiss made him feel _happy_. Complete. And he _hated_ it.

He shoved Barry away and punched him in the jaw. Barry looked stunned.

Len’s tears from earlier that night were back in full force. “ _You_ don’t get to do that,” He said cruelly. “Because _that’s_ the problem. I keep _letting_ you back in. And someday, when I’m dying and thinking _‘where did it all go wrong’_ , I’m going to have to ask myself why I allowed you to hurt me like that. How am I going to explain myself?”

He wiped at his eyes furiously, praying he would stop crying. It’s been so long since Len prayed.

 

“You win, Scarlet. I get it now. As painful as this thing has been, this is it for me. I just…I _can’t_ be with anyone else. I _know_ that deep down you want all those things you whispered in my ear, Barry…that you care for me, that you wanted to be there for me, you wanted to be _with_ me. You said you could never live without me just like I couldn’t live without you…that you’d die for me, same as I would for. But for some reason…nothing I do will ever convince you to live _for_ me too. All that you gave me in those stolen nights, Barry…I’ll never understand why you won’t give those very same things now. But I’ve accepted this for what it is. _Now_ , I know what we’ve got to do to live with it. You let go, and…I’ll let go.”

Barry was speechless. He had nothing left to say, so he turned to leave. He opened the door, but paused. “What will the answer be, Len? When you ask yourself?” He asked, too curious to let it go.

Len’s expression was bittersweet. “You were the only one I ever let _in_ , Barry Allen. Because you were the only one who was ever worth it. _No one’s_ hurt me more than you, and no one ever will.”

Len closed his eyes. He heard the door close behind him, but he couldn’t stand to watch him walk away.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I did have an epilogue planned, it's posting will depend on how well received this is. Always count on me to turn your favorite sweet, good heroes into stupid assholes (see: Captain America Vs. Avengers Court).
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, I should've been studying but I had to get this out. Meanwhile, in the legion of doom...
> 
> I'm working on a Darcy Lewis/Superman fic. I know, I think it's crazy too. It's basically a Thor/Avengers/Fantastic Four(Comics)/Man of Steel/Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice/Justice League(movie) crossover fic. I know, right? Convoluted as shit.
> 
> Comments are love!


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